By: Reenita V
Have you ever had an exciting moment in life where you have accomplished a huge goal but had this gut wrenching feeling that there is a tiny piece missing because you do not have a romantic partner to share in these accomplishments with? Do you feel that society, family and friends are constantly reminding you that you are alone and need to have someone in your life? Do you navigate your entire life to finding someone to share everything with? Well it’s we remind ourselves that whether we have a partner or not that we are not one half of a whole, broken or not fulfilled.
At least once a year when I fly home I find myself getting the privilege of being whisked around town to catch up with my family members. These moments are really wonderful because family is incredibly important and being Indo-Fijian means I have a huge family and connecting with everyone and living far away means there are very few chances to connect. However, while catching up with relatives, there is without a doubt going to be the moment where someone asks about your romantic life. Even after sharing all the wonderful amazing things that might be happening in your life, the moment you inform them that you are not getting married anytime soon or single, there is that devastating look of pity. We literally could be curing cancer, saving children from burning buildings, stopping war, a possible marriage opportunity or even just having a partner we are nothing. This devastating feeling exists even if we do not acknowledge it for years; girls are constantly part of a missing piece to another human’s existence.
Perhaps you are an activist and involved community member and your initial thought is to fight this patriarchal idea that woman require validation through marriage/partnership. Yes, absolutely and we and other folks absolutely need to engage in healthier conversations about women identified folks. Perhaps you genuinely feel that without a partner life doesn’t actually feel complete. If those feelings or thoughts come up or are projected on to you, it is important to assure, remind and confirm yourself that you are important, you do matter and that your greatest achievement in life does not have to be marriage. Your greatest accomplishment does not have to be belonging to someone else.
We need to remind ourselves, our families, friends, and sisters, daughters that we are not property or just a fragment of another. We are whole, we have no missing parts, and our greatest existence is living, breathing and being. We are strong, brave, even without a partner. When and if that love comes to you, remember we were complete to start with and should that partnership end, we will still continue to remain whole, important, and relevant and accomplished.