By: Reenita V
North America is a goal oriented place. We plan for our futures, set goals at work, create “To Do” lists all to ensure we achieve an end goal. Well, there is one thing that we need to remove from this check list and it’s the fabulous oh, oh, orgasm! Listen, orgasms are really great. Having an orgasm or helping someone else have one is no doubt a pretty awesome experience. However, we can easily forget that heading straight for the goods and neglecting the buildup is just as or more important.
Sex, as always is never a one size fits all so it is always incredibly important to talk with your partners about their desires and what you are both comfortable with. As well, the idea of exploring the process before the big O is not always for everyone. But for those that believe the whole point of intimacy is the final moment, perhaps we need to take an itty bitty pause and remember it’s not about the end goal but how you got there. Sex is supposed to feel good – it is about pleasure, exploration, maybe pain, maybe love, basically, sex cannot be defined just by one word, it can be complicated but incredibly fun. . So to sum up the thinking of sex as just a way to get off, creates an image of someone disrobing and making a quick b-line for a clit. Why not take those jackhammer thoughts away from this clit and take some time to focus on pleasure – not just pleasure for the sake of cumming but pleasure for the sake of feeling good? Let’s all remember that having an orgasm can be difficult for some people and some people just haven’t had one at all. Orgasms are not always a guarantee but pleasure can be!
Again, always super important to discuss what feels good with your partner(s). That whole time between the start and end is when you get to spend time learning and pleasuring another person. This is the roller coaster ride – the anticipation, the ups and downs, the time when your tummy gets knots and butterflies. Find a pace of exploration that works with your lover and enjoy, play, lust, learn. Each and every one of us has the ability to define pleasure in the way we see fit and how we can discover what pleasure means by giving ourselves the opportunity to feel all the lovely moments between the start and finish or as some call it – foreplay.
Just as education teaches us reading, writing and arithmetic, foreplay teaches us what another person likes, what we like and what gets them/us going and it is in those moments where we create this experience of phenomenal sex. Instead of focusing on the idea of getting off, let’s start focusing on actual pleasure, what it means and how you can explore a lover while invoking their sensors. Sex shouldn’t be another task on the ‘To Do List’, slow down and enjoy it – start, middle and end.