By: Reenita V
Selfishness has a negative connotation attached to it and it’s time we sever that tie and really indulge in all things you. Selfishness means doing something just for you and for a brief moment, minute, hour or day just thinking about your needs. That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Selfishness means not putting others needs before your own and guess what? It is a fantastic way to put yourself first and may even create a healthier way of thinking of your needs.
Now, putting yourself first doesn’t mean being mean rebelling against everything I mean we still need to feed the kids, hold open a door when you’re in a rush or share a meal with a loved one who may not be your favourite. But have you ever had that fleeting moment where you were asked to do something and there was that 2 seconds where your brain yelled “NO, we don’t want to do this” – that is the feeling we need to connect with more. Let’s analyze why you did that thing you really didn’t want to. First, did we follow through with an act because we felt obligated to do that? Did we do something because it was just expected of us? Did we do something because society and this patriarchal ideology created this world where women are supposed act and be a certain way? Stop that! We need to stop living by the rules of others and govern ourselves, our bodies, or brains, our spirits. We need to true to ourselves, our wants and needs.You may think this sounds a lot like self-care, doesn’t it? Self-care is the act where we carve our time into our daily lives to take care of ourselves, to ground ourselves to be able to get back to the real world. But what if giving into our own needs just became a regular part of life? What if we stopped believing that we have to work hard and reap the reward by treating ourselves to a spa day? What if we just lived the way we wanted to?
It sounds simple and it is easier said than done but we deserve it, all day, every day. If you still doubt the ‘be selfish’ movement, let me create an image for you. Imagine you are a tree (I promise I have a point) imagine your acts of indulging in your needs allows your roots to dig deep in the ground, you become sturdy, healthy, strong. If you neglect the fundamentals of your being by not allowing your roots to dig deep and ground you, you will feel the effects of not taking care of yourself. Even if you carve out a little time with self-care, a tree with faulty roots may fall.
As South Asian women, we are born into a world of responsibility and roles. There are expectations and standards that you may feel compelled to live up to. We do not need permission to live by our own rules, rebel, confirm – we live in a world where we can cultivate our own ideas of what it means to exist and what we want to say yes or no too.
It’s time we learn that not doing something for others is OK or that maybe doing something for another is your connection to your inner selfish goddess. Either outcome, it’s absolutely fantastic to put your wants and needs before another and live to your expectations.
Don’t tumble, be selfish!