Befriending Your Vulva
By: Reenita V
Some may find this topic a bit taboo. Many might find this conversation gross, icky, something that should never be discussed with peers, family, and partners or even just discussed at all. Others might love this subject, too. Either way, it’s time we have that chat about good ol’ masturbation! While I write this from the perspective of a vulva, the idea of self-exploration and self-love can be applied to anyone, no matter the architecture down below. So let’s begin!
Think about how long you have looked in the mirror prior to getting dressed or maybe when you are getting out of the shower. Have you studied your body? This may have occurred from the standpoint of being of critical yourself but nonetheless, you have stood there studying your body. If you wear makeup or spend time doing your hair, do you get to know each and every freckle on your face each time you look in the mirror? Now, do you know what you vulva looks like, feel like? As females, we are surrounded by this notion that bodies need to be moulded a certain way, and there are even rules around our vaginas. Vaginas are to be clean, smell like lavender, hairless, be a perfect sliver of desire! They are supposed to be this pristine, mythical place available for another person’s pleasure. This seems a bit obtuse considering my vagina is between my legs and no two vaginas are alike. With that being said, vaginas are important and we should take the time to befriend ours. A hand held mirror can help with this task. So, drop your drawers and lift your skirt and get to truly know your body.
Now that you know what your vulva looks like, now comes the fun part. As I reflect back on the many moons ago when I had to endure sex education, it was very focused on P in the D, but only after marriage because, if not, you will get a B. There of course was the discussion of if you choose to have sex (and only hetero sex, of course) then you must wear a condom and this was followed by the awkward application of a male condom on some phallic shaped fruit or vegetable. Now while this is very important, the education was centred around having sex with another person and protection – again very important. But what is also very important is discovering pleasure for yourself in a safe and positive way. There is, but I wish there wasn’t, this expectation that your partner is supposed to romanticize their way to all the pleasurable spots between your legs and then some. But honestly, how is your partner supposed to know how to get your off when you yourself don’t even know?
When you are alone, or if you have the consent of a partner, take that time to use your hands to explore down there. Know what your vulva feels like. Have you discovered a place that brings you pleasure? Perhaps there are a few spots that give you that feeling. Maybe you feel nothing on the outside and you are more an inside person. Maybe you feel nothing at all. Just don’t admit defeat, play around and learn about your neglected parts this is your body after all and you should be the expert You should also know this is normal, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Rest assure, unless you emerge from your house wearing a ‘I just masturbated’ shirt, no one will know. So get curious, have fun and enjoy exploring!